Oh Snape with Voldemort and Severus: How the Dark Lord Lost

Oh Snape with Voldemort and Severus: How the Dark Lord Lost


♪♪ Well it’s… they slide. Oh really? It’s too bad there’s not
a thing on your face that would prevent– STOP! Sliding. Stop. ♪♪ [whispers] Oh, Snape. Oh, Snape. [voices] Oh, Snape! Hello, Muggles, and
welcome to another… ♪♪ Oh, Snape. ♪♪ Cut. Let’s talk about jobs
we wouldn’t be good at, huh? All right. Okay. I personally– not a good
sea captain. Mostly I just think if I ever
fell into the water, it just– it would all
get up in here, you know? Mm. There’s nothing stopping it. Water up your nose. Ah. Oh, man. Ah. [slow motion] Ah. I don’t think
that I would be a very good customer
service agent. Actually, I think you’d be
very good at that because people would be like “Oh,
you’re incredibly boring and this is taking forever.” Not that I think you’re boring. Why would you say that? ♪♪ [slow motion] Ah. I’ll tell you what
you’re not good at is being a loyal henchman. Boom. I laid that bomb. I was– –before you– –full of truth– …bring
the story back. –explosion. I’m not the loyal one
when you sent Nagini to brutally murder me– She bit you!
That’s how she murders! –you did not know at the
time that I had betrayed you. You did that
out of selfishness, so yes, I betrayed you,
but you betrayed me first. Selflessness. I didn’t want to do it;
I needed the– this isn’t the Elder Wand,
obviously. Well- How did that work out
for you? What was the spell? What was the spell
that got it away? Expelliarmus. I learned that in the first
grade of wizarding school. That’s what defeated
the Dark Lord. There was a whole… He was walking in circles,
we were– I was very confused. I understood half of what that
boy was saying at that point. I was like, what? He– you hit Malfoy,
you have a wand? I heard you just completely
fell apart. Literally. Oh-ho, that’s right. I said it. It’s too soon. You turn into like– ash. Ashes in your face and
they just floated away. In the movie. I think in the book it was
rendered differently. Well the book was
a lot… better. Better![voice] Nutra-wash.I don’t even think the director
had read the book. Right? I was like, what is this? There was a whole buildup! Where’s the speech, Harry? The speech! Where’s the speech? [applause] Oh, Voldemort, uh, you never
learned how to love, and, uh, that plays
into this somehow. Oh, and you made the mistake
because you trusted Snape. He mentioned that,
and so Snape killed him and then you don’t have
the real Elder Wand. Are you supposed to be the
Snitch in this little thing? No, Harry in my mind is
always holding a Snitch. He’s always holding a Snitch? He’s like Hamlet or something
with this thing. Oh, that’s supposed
to be a skull. Oh, it opens at the close. So, to be or not to be. Uh, uh. I am so confused by
this metaphor. I know! I was confused too. My guard was down. I was like, my brain was
rollin’ and he’s like “The Elder Wand
doesn’t work for you, it works for me,” and I was like
“This seems a little, [sigh] But all right. All right. It totally worked. It did. [splash] Crucio. [slow motion] Ah. Please like and subscribe
and share and post your questions
in the comments below. Perhaps we will deign
to answer them. Yea, verily. What?

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